Category: Life

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Don’t Miss Bonding Opportunities

Looking for ways to bond with your kids? For me, the answer is an absolute,” yes.”

One of my daughters is a teen and the other is just about there. They no longer have that need for constant nurturing and supervision. Now they are testing and directing their own actions. This is great. Right? How else will they begin to spread their wings?

Well for me, and I’m sure some of you, this is sometimes difficult. It’s a little hurtful and exciting at the same time. The period of being so needed though, is over, and rightfully so; that stage is in the past where it should be.

Instead of being sad that I’m not the “apple of their eyes,” I want to celebrate this change. It means success. They feel independent enough to test the waters and find their way in the world. Do a happy dance, celebrate!

Okay, what do we do to stay close to our kids? I want to have a strong relationship with my daughters. I want them to feel comfortable enough with our relationship to always open up. I want them to know, no topic or problem is taboo. Over the years, I’ve learned what happens when children keep their feelings, worries and problems bottled up. I’m doing everything in my power to decrease preventable emotional pains. It’s so much happier and easier to find ways to connect instead of heal.

So, what do we do to get closer to our kids? Well, as bad as the COVID-19 pandemic is, it has also afforded me with new and interesting ways to bond with my daughters and family as a whole. Before COVID-19, I thought the family dinner time was all but gone. With extracurricular and school activities encroaching on meal time, it was a rarity to have the slow sit down time. COVID-19 has given us back, family time. For the last four months, we now enjoy more family meals, game nights and our backyard.

We spend time playing badminton, volleyball, riding bikes, scooters or having barbecues and picnics. Board games, like; Trouble, Sorry, Scrabble and Life have been retrieved from closets. I don’t want to build this up to sound more than what it is, so let me clarify the point; we are doing these things, not every night but more often than ever before.

Our latest bonding activity has taken place over the last three weeks. Now if you asked me three weeks ago if this is an activity to tout as a family bonding activity, I would have said, “no way.” You see, the activity was watching, Avatar: The Last Airbender, a series about a boys journey to save the world. I normally don’t believe “cartoons/animated adventures” provide much depth for family discussions.

Okay, so now I need to adjust my opinion of things. I was so very wrong. My older daughter persuaded me to purchase and watch the Avatar: The Last Airbender series and I’m so happy she did. Not only was this a great opportunity to spend time with both my daughters, it opened up dialogues on many topics we may never have touched on, and we bonded.

I’d have to say, the story line and the powerful characters and their growth, each in their own right, automatically stimulated our conversations. We spoke about where the story was going, the decisions the characters needed to make, family, friendship, the difference between good and evil, the things in life that sway a person to go one way or another and the option of being able to try to right our wrongs. The episodes and characters led to thought provoking conversations.

We discussed the character traits we each liked or could relate to along with character decisions we agreed and disagreed with in the episodes. I don’t think I know of another series that provided so much fodder for thought and conversation. Honestly, I’m grateful for each conversation I’ve been able to have with my daughters because of watching this series.

Go watch Avatar with your kids and see what you think. If you have no kids, watch the series on your own; it will be time well spent. Enjoy and let me know what you think. Were you able to discuss the series with your kids? Did it help you bond?

So, yes this was one of the unlikely ways I would have thought to bond, but in the end I found out it was a perfect opportunity. I must be more open and creative in my thinking so I do not miss future bonding opportunities. Do you have any thoughts on ways to bond? Let me know, I’m always interested in what else I can try.

“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each others life.” – Richard Bach

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A Very Special Day

“Shine your soul with the same egoless humility as the rainbow and no matter where you go in the world or the next, love will find you, attend you, and bless you.” – Aberjhani, Journey through the Power of the Rainbow: Quotations from a Life Made Out of Poetry

This week we were blessed. We celebrated my younger daughter’s 10th Gotcha Day. What’s a Gotcha Day? It’s the anniversary of the day on which a child joins a family by adoption. This date may differ from the actual adoption day.

For us, our younger daughter’s Gotcha Day ended a three and a half year journey. It was the culmination of years of prayer, hope, excitement, wonder, sadness, stress, and delays. You can describe it, maybe, as a bitter-sweet experience. For us, God set our path and we knew love was our guide no matter what obstacle came our way. And the obstacles were many, but so were the amazing blessings.

We celebrate our daughter’s life, the miracle of her existence and ongoing growth. We thank God for his wondrous plan and for all those he placed in our path to make this miracle come to fruition.

What did we find when we arrived at the Adoption Center ten years ago? A child held in God’s palm. A beautiful nineteen pound little girl, then two years and seven months old. She was initially inconsolable, hoarse from crying and exhausted from her ordeal of riding three hours in a van to the city.

We were finally able to calm her a bit when a water stick with a ball that floated back and forth caught her eye. We had our opening, you could see it in her eyes; they danced and lit up. What was this thing? How did the ball go back and forth? The wonder of this object broke her misery.

We quickly began sharing other things that intrigued her; a recorder that played Winnie the Pooh songs, a small board book, her own Winnie the Pooh. Relief, we could all breathe and relax. Our older daughter, five at the time, came out from hiding behind us, her place of retreat when the crying didn’t stop. Our family unit was now in tune with one another.

Once back at the hotel, we found she would not fit in any of the 2 – 3 year old toddler clothing we brought. She was still in 6-9 month old clothing, could not eat solid food, wasn’t able to speak and could only stand and walk a few steps before going back to crawling. Every change in her environment brought on another bout of uncontrollable crying.

What else? She was and still is a miracle, a ray of sunshine with a smile that could and still can light up a room. Her eyes danced and continue to dance with love and laughter. She was and is a joy.

We also celebrate the memories of those we met along the way and the friendships that have continued over time. Poy, a lovely young girl working at the hotel on the courtesy floor was our light. She was so kind always ready to help with directions, email access, snacks for the girls and anything else we needed. Poy was also such a source of encouragement and support. Just her smile greeting us as we walked in, lifted all our spirits. God sent us a guardian angel to help us along the way.

Funny, the girls still have the crown tiara she bought for our younger daughter and markers for drawing for our older daughter. Over the years, she has sent them a blow up pool and wishes for their 100 Good Wishes Albums. Isn’t it amazing? A chance meeting touched us forever.

We also think about our adoption guide, David. Once we found our little one couldn’t eat solids and wouldn’t drink milk or formula, he immediately picked up a special tea for children packed with vitamins. He helped us figure out dishes we could order for our daughter that she could eat like, steamed eggs with soy sauce, soup, and Congee.

We give thanks for our friends that watched our home and decorated for our return. It was a beautiful surprise that will always be remembered. The girls had gift baskets and decorated rooms and we had a refrigerator filled with fresh food. For a travel wearied family, this was our nirvana.

One of our younger daughter’s names is Jing, meaning crystal. The Chinese characters for crystal are three suns. We gave our daughter this name because she sparkles like a crystal. God has granted us a gift that sparkles, shines and provides more light than three suns. So yes, we celebrate. We are grateful for being granted such blessings. Gotcha Day is a very special day.